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30th March, 2007. | 2:40 pm.


Dear Peter,


I don't know what to do.

I wait for you, but I don't know how much longer I can wait. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of it all. It's just disappointment left and right and I'm tired of it. I don't know what to do next, but I'm trying to do something. I want to do nothing, just drift off into nothing.

Why can't things be simpler?

Send me hope. Anything. Just hope.

-Your Loving Mother



Current mood: crushed.

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4th February, 2007. | 1:38 am.


I cried today.


It just sort of hit me.


I'm alone. I mean


really.

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15th December, 2006. | 2:28 am.


Things You Should Know


((this has weird spacing on paper and saved on my el computadore, but I don't really feel like transferring it on lj, because it didn't just come out like that. I'm lazy, sorry, betches.))

Hi Honey.
It’s me, that girl you kinda know
but talk about marrying.
Anyway
before you get carried away with
carrying me away
I think you should know a few
things.
Some you may know
Some may make sense
But most will surprise you
Or at least catch you off guard
First
I am fully convinced
that the world J.K. Rowling
claims to have “created”
actually exists
But some names and dates changed
in order to protect the masses.
Not to mention,
I’m pretty sure my letter
simply got lost in the mail.
Slytherin 4 lyfe, baby.
Second,
I would list all the things
I believe
in, but I think it’ll suffice to say
I believe
in everything
I believe
in too much
I believe
the world believes
in not enough
I plan on getting the word
Believe
tattooed on my lower back.
This is serious stuff.
Further
and much more deep
I believe in myself
I know I have the power
to changed the world
by any means possible
And I simply hope you can not only
support that
but also appreciate it
On a related note
I think it’s time we talked religion
You’ve made it clear that you’re Christian
and that’s fine, so am I.
Sortof.
I believe
(here we go again…)
religion isn’t as simple as
yes/no
eternity isn’t
black&white
and God isn’t just
male or female
1 or more
here or there
I think the mere concept of the
hereafter is beyond what our simple minds
can grasp
So,
the religion I choose
to identify with is called
Christo-Pagan
the bastard child neither family wants
but my parents love and accept me
because I love and accept both of them
I’ve taken the firm beauty
of the Father
and the warm grace
of the Mother
and with it,
I’ve created such an enlightening power within me
Self-love without pride
Acceptance without grudges
Love without discrimination
And I hope you don’t think
differently of me
because I’m not different
(well, not in a bad way)
everything you love about me
is a result of my
mixed-religious-heritage
But moving on
You already know
my favourite sick meal is
chicky noodle soup and a grilled cheese sammich
but I rarely get sick
so sometimes I have mommy make a sick meal
just because
And if you hadn’t noticed
I absolutely love telling you
random information about myself
especially in slam poetry style
(which means any style I want)
because I can closer represent
my style of speech in my mind
which doesn’t quite think in
terms of punctuation followed by
capitalization or prose or poetry
but prose and poetry
because everything about me
has to be some mutated hybrid
Which I should point out
My love for you is absolutely a
mutated hybrid
but more like a tea rose hybrid
than Wolverine
By that, I simply mean
I love you because
you’re what I want and
you’re what I need and
those things rarely ever match up
Plus,
(as my friends say)
you’re crazy like me
(by “crazy” they must mean “perfect”)
with this proactive stuff
and I love it
and my friends know I love it
they’re glad someone’s crazy
like me
because we were all beginning to think
I’d be alone forever
never finding someone crazy right
Only what I want, not what I need
and that’s too superficial to last
Only what I need, not what I want
and that’s too dull to start
It’s like how
I love cheese
but I can’t eat it all the time
and I hate broccoli
but it’s good for me
so broccoli cheese
(especially casserole)
is good to me!
for me!
Ah, joie de vivre!
You and broccoli cheese casserole
(especially from Cheddar’s)
I think I got off track
Sorry.
Broccoli cheese casserole
(and poems about it, no less)
pwns
Again, I digress
Don’t be afraid of me
reading The Bell Jar
or watching “The Hours”
or listening to “Ana’s Song”
I’m okay,
as long as you’re here
I use those books
movies
songs to reach emotions
I no longer feel
but make for great writing
So in conclusion
I am absolutely infatuated with
enthralled by
enchanted by
idolizing
yearning for
burning for
in love with you.



Current mood: creative.

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15th December, 2006. | 1:56 am.


Flying Lesson


My poetry about you
always has flying in it
because I find it ironic
that you fly by profession
yet I’m the one who can’t seem
to stay grounded.
Now I’m no good at Chemistry
but alternatively,
you’re the like solid
that keeps me from going from
liquid to gas
because,
if I remember correctly
a gas has no definite shape
and while a liquid can ebb and flow,
it can stay itself
within the holding of the solid.
I assume that ideally,
if a liquid never came into contact
with a solid,
be it container or ground,
would it not simply float about
forever?
And ever-changing, never-definite shape,
much like a gas
but not as free.
I feel like I’ve been
a floating, falling liquid,
only meeting other
instable liquids
and when we’d meet
we’d mix
so after all of them had parted
I was left with pieces of them
within me
unclean
but after falling so long
the debris fell away
and I could see clearer
that I was heading towards you
my perfect, clean solid
and after a time,
just before you’re within reach
I realize I’m not falling, floating.
Baby,
I’m flying.



Current mood: creative.

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15th December, 2006. | 1:48 am.


Learning to Fly


With my feet firmly on the ground
I prepare for lift-off
clutching the idea of you closely to my heart
knowing full well you’re the engine
that gets me off
the ground.

With my elbow pressing into the table
I feel the wind in my hair
and taste the cotton candy clouds
and I hold your hand
and you hold my head
while we drift
and float
and glide.

With my hand supporting my head
I feed you wine grapes and stars
as you fan me with Saturn’s rings
because you are my mortal god
and I your mortal goddess
yet together we are eternal and immortal
forever connected
and all we need to do next time ‘round
is follow the red string and not question it
to have our lesson learned.

With my back hunched over this page
You eclipse me
Or do I eclipse you?
one of us yin,
the other yang
without one we lose not only our Better Half
but part of ourselves
and no square peg
could fill the empty whole
what’s missing would add weight
and we’d sink into reality.

With my tears rolling down my cheek
I wait for you.
Add weight for you.
Keep myself too far and too close for you.
As I drift up and down
and back and forth
I look for you.
You’ll take me to the second star to the right
and straight on ‘til morning
That’ll be on the letters
And I’ll wait for them
Someday
With you
Then I’ll know how to fly.



Current mood: creative.

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15th December, 2006. | 1:47 am.


Flying


As is your expertise
you fly in and out of my thoughts
but the irony lies in that
as I lie
I am the one flying
while you remain grounded
You keep me from floating far
with a soft tug on the string of love
that connects us
but you don’t mind me out there at all.
In fact,
you appreciate that I appreciate
how to fly
in my own weighted weightless way.
You know I know the skies
soon these stars will become your stars
and you’ll be my star
burning bright hot white beside me
as I float not too far into the abyss.



Current mood: creative.

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5th October, 2006. | 1:17 pm.


This doesn't happen


But I'm falling apart.



Current mood: lonely.

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8th August, 2006. | 2:14 am.


The word rape seems so harsh.


((also posted as a bulletin on myspace))Collapse )



Current mood: disappointed.

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7th August, 2006. | 2:01 am.




I hate being alone.



Current mood: lonely.

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26th April, 2006. | 10:09 am.


I told you I'm Jewish!


I'm a Jewish Babe who likes bondage AND masturbates at work hawt.

For all you with time on your hands, find the first letter in your first name:

A-Emo B-Lesbian C-Pretty D-Jewish E-Christian F-Retarded G-Boyish H-Preppy I-Girly J-Gothic K-Beautiful L-Popular M-Slutty N-Gangster O-Hot P-Gay Q-Punky R-Hot S-Sexy T-Gorgous U-Ugly V-Wonderful W-Geeky X-Bitchy Y-Under-appreciated Z-Over-appreciated

Now the second letter in your middle name(if you dont have one use your last name):

A-Slut B-Boy C-Bitch D-Obsesser E-Babe F-Retard G-Queen H-Jew I-Girl J-Goth K-Nerd L-Motherfucker M-Beauty queen N-Geek O-Whore P-Punk Q-Crackwhore R-Alcoholic S-Butthole T-Fucker U-Prince (ess) V-Jackass W-Sex Machine X-Scaredy-cat Y-Coward Z-Chocoholic

Now What Color Is the Top You Are Wearing:

Red- Who's Good With My Hands
Blue- Who Looks At Porn 24/7
Orange- Who Likes It In The Butt
Yellow- Who Wants To Have Sex With You
Green- Who will do anything for Sex
Pink- Who Will Do Anything For Crack
Purple- Who Will Rock Your World
Black- Who Likes Bondage
White - Who Masturbates At Work

who are you?

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